Let's Talk about Masculunity
Monday 3 September 2018
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Gender norms suck for EVERYBODY.
As someone who identifies as female I can attest pretty well to the negative effects gender norms have on women. I mean I've lived it after all. But to talk about the impact they have had on men, well that's a bit outside my realm of experience. So today I decided to sit down with ~a real human boy~ and ask some questions about gender, masculinity, and the impact of cultural norms on identity. The result, I think, is pretty interesting.
Below is a series of questions I asked and the responses I got. Overall, it was an interesting interview and it's pretty clear that gender norms affect us all. It's time we start advocating for boys to be feminine (along with girls being masculine) and dispel with these hegemonic gendered narratives!!!! These answers are fraught, and they are real. I don't always agree with the thinking behind them, but that's the point of having these discussion. Anyways, I'm really interested to know how you feel about some of these questions, wether you are male or female (and there is no right answer!).
Q: How do you define gender ?
A: That’s a really difficult question. Gender isn't something you are born with, I feel like it is something each individual person learns throughout there life and reflects.
Q: How do you define masculinity ?
A: Muscle. hahaha. Um, but yah physical and mental strength, I guess? That's also difficult. I don't think about this a lot.
Q: Is feeling masculine key to your identity ?
A: Yes and no.
Q: Is it important to you that others view you as masculine ?
A: Yes, really important.
Q: Do you think you conform to gender roles on a daily basis ?
A: Yes and no. It depends where I am, when I go out at night or am with my friends I act more manly
but when I’m alone on the train I'm not trying to act male or female I'm just existing and being human.
Q: Have you ever been discouraged from buying something because it said “for women” ?
A: Haha you know that I buy women’s jeans and I don’t care also my toner is technically "for women". But I don't really care about the marketing I care about the product.
Q: Who was your primary care giver growing up ?
A: My Dad.
Q: Do you think society puts pressure on men in an unhealthy way ?
A: 100% they expect men to be strong and expect men to sacrifice themselves through work. like you have to work, you can't stay home it's just what is expected. I mean society is changing a bit with paternity leave and stuff but um, at this moment there is still pressure.
Q:What are some things you worry about on a daily basis?
A: Um I care a lot about my style and hair line, also if I have muscles.
Q: Has a male ever cried infront of you for personal reasons?
A: No- oh wait-Yes.
Q: Have you ever cried in front of a male friend (for personal reasons)?
A: Yes –HelloOOOO I'm a human being.
Q: Do you feel comfortable talking to your male friends about your emotions, fears, and struggles ?
A: Yah 100% , I tell them how I fear you all the time. (Me: rolling my eyes)
Q:Do you think crying makes you weak ?
A: Sometimes it's ok, it depends I guess.
Q: Are there any advantages to being a man ?
A: I'm physically stronger so I don't have to worry about the threats as much And I don't really worry about how getting pregnant would affect my career, but actually I don't think there are that many advantages.
Q: Are there any disadvantages ?
A: You loose hair. lol, but um,too many things. There is the pressure to be strong. And in cases of divorce it is a lot harder for father to gain custody. But I'm actually really happy to be a man.
Q: Are there disadvantages to being female ?
A: Yes and they are way worse.
Q: Has the #metoo movement had any impact on your behaviour ?
A: No the movement hasn't been very strong in Japan.
Q: Is it important for you to pay on the first date – why?
A: Yes I care a lot because girls are expecting it and it’s kinda embarrassing for guys if you don't. Also I don’t want to seem like a bad guy. I just feel like it is something I should do.
Q: Do you feel like you need to fulfill a certain role in a romantic relationship (provider/ protector) ?
A: Not a fixed role. It depends on the relationship like if she has a really strong personality then my role changes and I can adapt.
Q: How did you learn about consent ?
A:I learned about it informally, like not really at school or directly from my parents but it was always obvious.
Q: How do you gauge consent in a relationship ?
A: Every situation is different.
Q: Do you think men and women are treated equally ?
A: Obviously no, but I’m not saying men are always treated better, just that they are treated different. It depends on the context. In a lot of cases men are even treated worse.
Q: Do you think there is too little focus on the pressures guys face ?
A: Yes 100%.
Q: Do you think feminism does anything for you as a male ?
A: yes and no. You're really feminist and when I'm with you I don't feel that societal pressure. Like I don’t need to worry about my hair or clothes or acting macho. I can just kinda ignore that. But um I think from like society I don't feel like feminism is doing anything to help with these pressures. Feminism is really new in Japan and so far it just feels like it's about women.
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